- Mood:
tired
Her eyes met mine as she walked down the corridor peering apprehensively into the kennels. I felt her need instantly and knew I had to help her. I wagged my tail, not too exuberantly, so she wouldn't be afraid. As she stopped at my cage I blocked her view from a little accident I had in the back of it. I didn't want her to know that I missed the small litter box. Sometimes the shelter keepers get too busy and I didn't want her to think poorly of them.
As she read my kennel card I hoped that she wouldn't feel sad about my past. I only have the future to look forward to and want to make a difference in someone's life. She put her fingers inside my cage and made little kissy sounds at me. I shoved my shoulder and side of my head up against the bars to comfort her. Gentle fingertips caressed my neck; she was desperate for companionship. A tear fell down her cheek and I raised my paw to assure her that all would be well. Soon my cage door opened and her smile was so bright that I instantly jumped into her arms.
I would promise to keep her safe. I would promise to always be by her side. I would promise to do everything I could to see that radiant smile and sparkle in her eyes. I was so fortunate that she came down my corridor. So many more are out there who haven't walked the corridors. So many more to be saved. At least I could save one.
I rescued a human Nov 1, 2001 and left this world Dec 26, 2008.
I will watch over her forever. She will never be alone because I will always be by her side, even if she doesn't see me. I will never break the promises I made to her over 7 years ago. Our time together on earth was too short.
One day we will be together again, forever.
Bumper (GA)
Image is a beautiful short-haired silver tabby cat with large golden eyes.
I am wishing Bumper safe journey and wishing all who love her peace. Blessed Be!!!
- Mood:
sad
He started the zenequin on Friday, so he has had four doses now. Less black around mouth and nose, swelling looks reduced--knock wood and anti-jinx!!!
Unfortunately, I decided to start weening him off the pred yesterday. He did not get his half pill. He needed it. So, back on the pred because he smells like a homeless person and has to be kept on a towel. OY!
- Mood:
frustrated
He is looking rough today. Discharge from his nose, but no swelling. Dark around his mouth...He JUST had a dental a few months ago when this nightmare began.
NO
I am
NOT
taking him in. They just cleaned his teeth and if it has spread to his mouth I've already played that game and know there is nothing they can do other than what I am already doing. I did just fax them for a refill on his meds. I have enough to take me to Tuesday. Hopefully he is better before I have to leave town for Thanksgiving. The cat we based his treatment protocol on needed the meds periodically for years. I am crossing my fingers that is ALL this is.
ETA: I just got a good look at him in good light. Swelling is back.
:head wall:
- Mood:
anxious
I do support and input for folks with cats that have feline diabetes and cancer. You *try* to stay separated and uninvolved...you *try* to be subjective...but sometimes you get attached. Sometimes something about the cat or the caregiver or both and it Matters..Matters more than is *SAFE*...sometimes boundaries are unintentionally blurred...and the cat that you have never met who has a caregiver you have never met becomes *Your Cat* and you love them. This is bad for a multitude of reasons...the worst being that they will die. My husband once asked me to quit doing my internet support because "waking up to hear you sobbing as if your heart has broken, again, in the next room is more than I can bear..."
Needless to say, I have learned to cry quietly.
- Mood: heart broken--again
I have been putting off doing this because I didn't want to jinx us...
sooo...
KNOCK WOOD AND ANTI-JINX!!!
Woody's swelling is down. He is still sometimes having sneezing bouts, but no discharge from his nose. Instead of just a slit, he has an actual nose-hole again. His nose is still slightly bigger on that side, but MUCH better than it was. I want to thank my cousin, Peggy, for sharing the story of her FIV cat with me and for helping me with the meds and treatment protocol. My vet was skeptical, but the treatment Peg shared with me worked. Woody has now been off of pred. and zeniquin (was getting 12.5 mg once per day for a month). He hasn't been medicated for 10 days. Thank you everyone for your well wishes and your prayers--I *know* they made a difference!!!
Also...
The IMOM Fundraiser is done. They raised over 18K before expenses. Thanks to your generosity, Woody raised $350 all on his own. That is enough to provide insulin and syringes for a year for a diabetic cat or dog. That will supply sub-q bags, lines, and needles for a dog or cat suffering from chronic renal failure for a year. That money will help provide the needed surgery for the lucky winner of the photo contest, Gracie.
Here is Gracie:
Picture is a golden retriever puppy wearing a diaper. She can now have the $3,000 surgery needed to give her a chance at a better life after somebody just dumped her because she was "defective".
Thank you, and Bless You All for your double kindness in not only helping me help my boy, but in helping others with their beloved companions.
- Mood:
touched - Music:Thank You by Natalie Merchant
My Faith does not believe in Hell. We believe you come back--that LIFE IS HELL.
Until you have sat by and watched someone you love die, sat totally helpless, exhausted any and all avenues of hope in an attempt to save them, you do not know what Hell is. I have done it over and over--human and animal. I am doing it again. I had Hope, it is fading...Fact can drown hope faster than a tidal wave can take a small village...
Yet I will continue to cling to hope like Jack clung to that piece of wreckage in Titanic. I will keep fighting and keep trying, because that is how I am made. I can't help it, it's how he wrote me--I try to dance to the music even after the music stops. If you Believe...
If you BELIEVE...
Schrodinger's Cat.
I did it once.
Not ten minutes ago I sat on the floor of my kitchen and stroked the fur of a purring cat that should NOT be here. He is very alive. He is very here. He is coming up on five years past his "expiration date". I Believed and I refused to accept the facts...and he is still here.
I did it once.
I've tried over and over to do it again.
If I BELIEVE.
Schrodinger's Cat.
My Great Uncle studied physics under Einstein. That makes me one degree away...
If I BELIEVE.
Schrodinger's Cat.
They had beers together.
I am a Kalvaitis. I am drinking beer and trying to BELIEVE.
Schrodinger's Cat.
I saved Bunny for almost six years.
We beat the odds over and over...
With the diabetes we were told two years and we got almost six
with the cancer we were told six months and got seven and a half--*GOOD* months...
in the end, I could not save him.
I DID save Riley--even when all the evidence and all the facts told me I would NOT.
I have "spent" cat after cat trying to do it again.
Can I pull a rabbit out of a hat?
Can I pull a miracle out of the air by sure WILL?
Is it my doubt that destroys the end result?
Schrodinger's Cat.
BELIEVE.
Gaiman says Gods exist because we believe in them.
All I have to do is believe in one orange cat...
- Mood:
Trying Hard to BELIEVE - Music:The Hardest Part by Cold Play
We had some coupons for Arby's that were about to expire. We eat Arby's *maybe* four times a year. I decided that rather than let these really good coupons expire, I would go pick up roast beef sandwiches for dinner. I got one for Jack and Shelby to split (they had already had some dog food) and a melt without Arby Sauce for Woody.
When Bunny had cancer I had to make him his own plate or I couldn't eat. Bunny had never been a plate moocher, but after he got cancer he became a FIEND and I could not eat in peace unless he had his own. Woody has become the same way. I pulled the bun off his sandwich and ripped up the roast beef on the wrapper and gave it to him. He ate the entire thing! Plus, I ended up giving him two whole slices of ham from my ham n' swiss melt! At least he has a good appetite!
I took this picture of him earlier this week. It is an orange cat with green eyes lying on the bed. You can see the swelling on the left bridge of his nose--Charlie swears it's getting smaller, I think it is simply not swelling any more--either case, I'll take it! You can see where they shaved his right "arm" for his IV when he had his dental surgery--the hair is just starting to grow back. That is Jack's black and brown rump in the right hand side of the picture that Woody has taken to using as a pillow. When Woody first came inside, he and Jack had a falling out and for months fought like, well, cats and dogs. A couple months ago they called "truce" and now you can find them sleeping together.
The other thing I wanted to post about today was something cute Jack did this morning. Jack is 14-years old. We have a fourposter bed. Sometimes it's hard for him to get up onto it (no he will not use stairs--I bought him some and ended up returning them) so he will pat the bed with his front feet. I get down and as he jumps I boost him up. He always pats my arm when I reach around him to do this, as if to say, "Thanks for helping an old dawg out."
Charlie lets the dawgs out every morning while he gets ready for work. After Charlie leaves, Jack comes back to bed. I was already asleep. I felt somebody patting my arm. I opened one eye and there was Jack looking at me, patting arm as if to say, "Hey, it's raining and my joints are stiff. Mind helping an old dawg out?" I smiled and got up and boosted him onto the bed. I'm gonna miss the hell out of that dog when he goes!
This picture is Jack, a beagle/doberman mix, so he looks like a *really large* beagle--he's 43 pounds. He is black and white and brown with floppy beagle ears. His face was brown a long time ago, but has turned white as he has gotten older, however, he still has little black "freckles" where his whiskers come out and black "eyeliner" around his big chocolate-brown eyes. His right ear (visible in the picture) has a slight crinkle on the end where he had a hematoma (sp?) about a year ago.
- Music:rain falling outside occasionally punctuated by distant thunder
Woody is a NIGHTMARE to medicate. Besides that, he has been on one medication or another for well over a month now and is just FED UP with it all.
Fortunately, (THANK THE GODDESS!!!) I have been able to give him his lysine and agaricus supplements in his food. Yesterday was the first day we had No More Baytril Pills, so he needed to at least get 1 ml of anti-robe/clyndamicine. As anyone who has had to give this med to their cat knows, even if you get it flavored with tuna and keep it in the fridge, it tastes *horrible*. I decided just for shits and giggles to put it in a small can of food he really likes. He ate it!!! Worked in again today. Blessed Be!!!
So as long as he is eating good--his normal 3-5 small meals a day--I can give him all but his pred pill in his food. The pred I have to make sure he gets ALL of it, so we have to continue to give him that the "nasty way".
For two days he had discharge from his nose. Today, nothing so far--knock wood and anti-jinx!!! The swelling doesn't appear smaller, but it doesn't appear any bigger either. KNOCK WOOD AND ANTIJINX!!! Since it was growing visibly/noticeably every few days, I'm going to Thank the Gods and Pray we are on the right track. The agaricus is a new addition to his routine that I was able to start Saturday, so hopefully this helps as much as I have heard and we see a Decrease in the mass.
Thank you all for your prayers and wishes--Please keep them coming! We need a miracle.
- Mood: tired
As those of you who follow this journal remember, I was suspicious when I picked him up and he had swelling. I know surgery can sometimes jolt a slow moving cancer into high gear. When the swelling didn't go down with antibiotics after a week, I said I thought it was a tumor. I took him to the vet and they thought, because the lump felt soft, that it was an abscess. They gave me clavamox. Four days later I went and got baytril because the swelling was worse. Yesterday he started discharging bloody snot from his nose and today I took him back and told them I wanted an x-ray.
They did two angles, it's a tumor.
It's still not showing in his mouth. She checked his ear because I showed her he's been picking at it--it's not visibly pressing on the ear canal. It *is* making his nostril smaller on that side. Due to it's location, there is no easy way to biopsy. She wanted to do 2.5 mg pred once per day but I talked her into 5mg once per day. IF, and it's a *VERY BIG IF* folks, it's benign, this *may* shrink it. However, if it is CANCER, it may shrink it too. The only way we will know is if it comes down, I stop the pred, and shoots back up. IF, and it's a *VERY BIG IF* folks, it's benign, it *should*, theoretically, stay down if/when I stop the steroids.
Surgery is *out* because of the FIV and the area that the tumor is in.
Prednisone compromises the immune system. It is a gamble giving it to a cat with immune deficiency, however, there really isn't much else I *can* do. He will finish his doses of Clavamox and baytril and then she wants him back on the antirobe so that he has some sort of antibiotic in his system in conjunction with the pred.
*IF* this doesn't work, and frankly I am not real hopeful, he will be four lost in less than six months. I really kinda feel like somebody just ran me over in truck. I am stunned, and shocked, and I hurt all over.
- Mood:
lost - Music:Paint It Black by The Rolling Stones
Last night I received an e-mail from my friend Felice. Long-time readers may recognize the name as the gal who often sends me jokes and funny links that I crosspost here--including the famous "cake" post. The e-mail was about Felice's beautiful short-haired silver tabby, Bumper, whom she adopted from a shelter about 7 years ago.
*Unfortunately, the longer you wait to spay a female cat or dog, the more you increase their risk of getting breast cancer.* Many people don't realize this and many just don't care--they simply dump animals into the over-crowded shelters because they are in heat or pregnant. Bumper was older, perhaps two, when she was spayed.
Here is the e-mail from Felice:
I felt a lump in my girl Bumpers breast April 24. She had surgery 4 days later. It was mammary cancer, adenocarcinoma. The pathologist observed lymphatic invasion. This type of cancer is extremely aggressive. It has not spread to any other organs. She is seeing a well known oncologist, Dr. Mona Rosenberg. People bring their animals from hundreds of miles away to see her. She has written tons about different cancers/treatments in pets.
Bumper had her first round of chemo May 12. Adriamycin (Doxorubicin) was given through a slow IV drip. 10 days later I gave her 1 tablet of Cytoxan which is another chemo drug. We go back to the vet June 2nd for our next round of chemo. There will be a total of 6 chemo sessions.
I asked the vet about removing the whole mammary chain and lymph nodes on that side. She wanted to start chemo right away and didn't rule that out. She said we will talk about supplements when we find out how she does with the chemo. She didn't want to add anything else at the same time. We'll talk more when I'm there Monday. So far she is fine and hasn't had any reaction to the chemo drugs.
I am just devastated about this. My little Bumper follows me around like a dog and sleeps under the covers with me. She always comes when I call her. I've never had a cat like this and I just love her with all my heart. I will do anything I can to help her.
Please do a mammary exam on all your cats. Like people, it mostly occurs in females.
Please, if you have a moment, say a prayer or make a wish or send some vibes--whatever it is you do--for sweet Bumper.
- Mood: distressed
Dr. Severt went to do the physical exam and all was well until she got to the part where they palpate the abdomen. Tiffany is hairy and has always been an, um, round cat. However, the vet's face changed as she felt Tiffany...
and I knew
I was at a different clinic, with a different vet and different cat and it was Christmas Eve 2002...
"We need to do an x-ray..."
and I knew
They are pulling the fluid and sending it out for pathology. Blood work has to go out too as they are out of CBC tubes and I argued that I shouldn't have to pay additional because they are out of tubes--the bill is already $500. We won't have a difinitive answer for anything until XXX , but it looks like lymphoma--CANCER.
No, I am not OK.
I already had things going on that had me right to the edge, things I haven't posted about anywhere, and yesterday I actually prayed for things to be OK--I didn't ask for spectacular, I just asked for OK...I thought I could hear "hold music"...(Highway to Hell by AC/DC followed by Hotel California by The Eagles--in case you are wondering)
So I'm typing this post and call the clinic to find out WHEN I will KNOW....
They put me on hold for the vet...
"I'm so sorry..."
yes, we've been there
"but I tried to pull the fluid out and there is no fluid..."
Come Again?
"fluid and fat show the same on an x-ray. I had the other vet try too...she doesn't have fluid in her abdomen...
she's just
really
FAT."
WHEW!
- Mood:
relieved
We miss you, Fiddle Dee Dee...
( We will always remember...we will always love... )
It's been five years, but the hole she left can never be filled...and the ache, the longing for a cat no longer here, still pops up, sometimes at the oddest times.
- Mood:
melancholy - Music:Free Falling by Tom Petty
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